Whom will you serve? Christ-mass 2005



"Ye cannot serve God and Mammon....." Jesus' words, in Matthew 6 and Luke 16, echo in the heart at this "should-be-holy" season, when the demands of " the world, the flesh and the devil"; who feeds on the former two, form a solid barrier between those who truly know Jesus and the loving of Him and all His people.

So many beautiful words and customs; such a glory of music and candles, the shops full to the gunwales with expensive non-essentials and utter luxuries.. that, somehow, have become an integral and spiritually draining part of what "Xmas" has corrupted Christ-mass into......

When we sing " What can I give Him? Give Him your heart..."..

Yet do we allow Jesus into our true hearts.... where we set our real values at this season? "Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also," says Jesus.
Who gave and gives all; lived as a poor and often homeless one..... teaches us to "feed the hungry" for then we are feeding Him.... ministering to Him..Ah, what a delight and a privilege that is..... What an honour.....

So what are we to do at this season when the world reverts to pagan feasting and calls it "Xmas"?
When so may are " expected" at secular parties...
That are empy and void and wasteful...

It is a dilemma many face.

Do we throw a few pennies to the homeless and spend many dollars on gifts for those who have so much? Because that is what is expected of us?

And oh, so hard to go against custom and convention; so very very hard... To risk being called mean or anti-social. Because we are striving to live the Gospel.
And we will be called all that and more, and it will hurt at first.
Because, as Jesus says, the ways of the world are not His ways; never have been, never will be. In John He warns us about seeking human approval; we cannot have both, you see. And we must always, surely, put the ways and approval of Jesus above that of man....

And while celebrating His Birth is right and wonderful, the excesses are not. Nor is feasting when others starve and are cold of Jesus. No-one who really reads His words can think else - or do else.

In the end, is has to be a personal decision.... a personal commitment...

For me the final " crunch" came as I watched the Millennium TV coverage.... bored, well- dressed and expensively-coiffeured royalty and the leaders of society reading aloud the words of Jesus before gold-robed Churchmen.... the Sermon on the Mount...... and you knew that the words of Life meant nothing to them and would not alter their lives in any way.

All who are truly converted find they will change how they live, unafraid of anything but losing Jesus.....

That occasion wrought the final changes long simmering. An awareness that what we are taught is oftne not as Jesus teaches.. a sure knowledge deep within me that the true Glory of God is not in elaborate, costly- heated buildings and gold vestments.... but in a world where no child dies of hunger or a preventible disease.. no one sleeps and often dies on cold city streets while Churches are warm and empty..... And the chilling surety that this is an easily acheivable aim, IF we all start living what Jesus teaches.....

That going to Church should not be all; that in truth it should simply, as should personal prayer also, be the springboard and inspiration for living Jesus in every part of our lives...... That the Sacraments should feed us to do this; and that how we spend time and money are a large part of a faith that is incarnational and needs to serve the needy ones rather than ourselves

And that changed the way I lived and made me deeply ashamed at how I had been living; even though I was living on disabilty I had and spent far, far more than I needed to.
On what I truly needed not.
That I was far too attached to things that matter not.

And when Christ-mass neared again, I gave no gifts, no expensive cards... Instead I sent to each and all a very simple home made card with a note that as we all have so much, this year I was sending all I would have spent on gifts and cards to a children's charity; and, please, send me nothing as I have all I truly need and more... please, send to a charity instead for those who have nothing.

Surely, if we love folk, we don't need to give great gifts to them? Like the little girl who had no money so promised her mother," My Saturday mornings for a year..." That is love; the giving of ourselves... not of things.......

It was a shaky and hard start. I was alone then, and it shamed me how much the bright gifts meant.....
But Jesus honoured it.. one penfriend in London, who is not rich, sent her gift to Save the Children.. and wrote to me, moved and astonished by the grace that doing that had given to her.

Five years on, the Holy Poverty I live in as a Nun is a reality that nurtures my soul and brings Jesus so close. It takes the breath away. The less we have, the less we need, for all the clutter we surround ourselves with is Mammon and puts barriers between us and Him.
Decluttering, especially at this Holy Time, of things, of the preoccupations the world tempts with, focusses us on Jesus, born with nothing except the love that gives all.

And slowly over the years, and these growings always take time to shoot and blossom, the outward symbolism I used to love so much has become a distraction from Prayer that is Life. From Christ-mass....
So we do all slowly and gently...as a seed grows into a plant and flowers and bears fruit; so are our lives and souls.....Never be brutal wih yourself; Jesus isn't.

This year I found I needed not even the Advent Wreath that has always meant so much..

Yet, the more I live this way, the more is given to me by those who see and respect it. Truly I lack nothing... I had decided, if I had the Wreath, to use whatever candles I have in.. a rainbow wreath, but the Poor Clares gave me of theirs...... As they will also of the excess of "treats" that come their way at Christ-mass.

And fuel comes in.. and food...seeds for the garden.... knitting wool for the handwork I love to do for the homeless my Order feeds and clothes... speciality knitting now that fetches good prices so we can buy food and blankets for the cld and hungry ones.
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The more we live Him, the more He honours that.... And it brings out generosity in folk who in turn are blessed and graced by their giving. The beauty and love that is in folk constantly awes and humbles me.. and always it is the poor themselves who give the most, for they are closer to reality and closer to Jesus. They inspire and encourage us all to greater giving.. so many I know now ask what they can send me.. and always I say. send money that I can give to feed those who need.. I have all I need and more.. for truly our real needs are so small....and folk know I will recycle and will use anything for others then.

So we gently by our example teach others that Jesus is love and giving... that He hungers and is cold, knows loneliness and sickness.....and how easy it is to heal and help; when we truly put Jesus and others before ourselves....

For Jesus IS giving.. God's huge gift to us.. and what use singing the words if we are not living them? Giving the heart to Jesus means giving it to all He loves.

And if our faith seems dry and empty it is because we are not living it; not walking the walk, just talking the talk..... Jesus walked His love all the Way to the Cross.. and all the way to the Resurrection...

The poor and homeless are in every town, as are those fighting the constant battle to help them to survive the winter. Day by freezing day.... Night by anguished night...as we sleep warm and dry.... wet pavements their bed.....

Give to them, a word, food, a kind face.... or give money to those who help them...... go without something you really need not ... and you give to Jesus. So easy..... no we cannot all be out there, but we can all give. Remember Jesus when He saw the widow giving her " mite"?

Mark 12:41-44 41 And he sat down over against the treasury, and beheld how the multitude cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. 42 And there came a poor widow, and she cast in two mites, which make a farthing. 43 And he called unto him his disciples, and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, This poor widow cast in more than all they that are casting into the treasury: 44 for they all did cast in of their superfluity; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.
Luke 21:1-4 1 And he looked up, and saw the rich men that were casting their gifts into the treasury. 2 And he saw a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites. 3 And he said, Of a truth I say unto you, This poor widow cast in more than they all: 4 for all these did of their superfluity cast in unto the gifts; but she of her want did cast in all the living that she had.

Can you not hear the warmth and commendation in His Voice? And oh, to see Him smile and hear Him then....ah, such bliss....

So we empty ourselves, and we empty our lives spiritually and physically - and then there is that space where Jesus can infill us and thus work His love among all.

So we can each turn Xmas into Christ-mass... a true offering of His love to all....